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New Aggressive driving school!

aggressive driving school to open soon.

Aggressive driving school opens in Sleepy River, By Sue Problemo

Jack Daniels announced his plans to open a franchise of The Attitude On Steroids School of Aggressive Driving next week in Sleepy River.  According to spokesperson, Phil Buster, the purpose of the school is to meet the growing demand for aggressive driver training.  Courteous, cautious, and otherwise soft drivers are at a terrible disadvantage on today’s competitive roads.  This school could allow wimpy drivers to compete with the millions of other aggressive, angry, and otherwise incompetent drivers that dominate our system of roads these days.

Among other skills, instructors are certified to teach prospective aggressive drivers how to accelerate in order to stay exactly 4 inches away from the bumper of the car in front and continue driving at a reasonably irresponsible speed.

Drivers can learn how to recognize when they are pushing their car or truck beyond its safety limits and to calculate the statistical probability of survival.

Students will learn how to be certain that most of those who are injured or killed in the accidents they spawn are the ones who were irritating everybody by driving only a few miles per hour over the posted speed limit.

You could find out why you really do not need to be in control of your temper when you are safely inside your vehicle.

By taking the course, you could master dozens of ways to punish all the other drivers who are bothering you by driving less than ten Miles per hour over the speed limit.

And finally, those who complete the course will learn how to fake their way through almost any court-mandated anger management course and then get back onto the road without changing their attitude or anything else about the way they think or drive.

Interested drivers can sign up today on-line at



Job qualifications after 50

List of jobs for the over 50 crowd!

Jobs you are qualified to do now that you are over 50, By Robert (Bob) Plumb

Any of you who are over fifty and who have been forced back into the job market are undoubtedly swamped with the off-the-chart demand for your skills and experience.  Since finding a job can be a little bit stressful if you are over fifty, the guys at The Junction Café have compiled this list of jobs you can usually get, no matter how old you are, at fifty, sixty, or even seventy.

(First, cut the companies some slack.  Health issues, tech savviness limitations, memory issues, and a desire to have an oral conversation instead of texting or e-mailing are at the heart of your employment problem.  That does not mean you don’t have some terrific options.)

Some of the following jobs will require some training and a few may not pay as well as you’re used to, but at least you will know you have options; lots of options.

So don’t worry over fifty job seeker, The Sleepy River Journal has got your back.  Surely one of the following great careers will work for you.

Jobs you are qualified to do now that you’re over fifty: 

  1. Fisherman     
  2. Ballast
  3. Cat rack
  4. Spouse
  5. Assault victim
  6. Diabetic
  7. Patient
  8. Flunky
  9. Blood plasma donor (limited to the three people world-wide who are in good health and who take no medications)
  10. Inmate
  11. Spectator
  12. Worry wart
  13. Village idiot
  14. Customer
  15. Perpetrator
  16. Alien
  17. Millionaire
  18. Schizophrenic
  19. Homo-sapien
  20. Philanderer
  21. Cadaver
  22. Chatterbox
  23. Organ donor
  24. Philosopher
  25. Gossip
  26. Manic depressive
  27. Driver (limited to those who still have their license)
  28. Grandma
  29. Grandpa
  30. Relative
  31. Host
  32. Ex-patriot
  33. Passenger
  34. Bad example
  35. Swimmer
  36. Tee box



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