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No demand for morning glory…shocking I know!

morning glory prices down

Morning Glory prices remain flat, By Justin Case

“Producer prices for morning glory remain unchanged for the 86th consecutive year,” announced local produce broker, Elwood Scroggins, Wednesday afternoon at the close of the markets.  “I didn’t want any of your morning glory last year and I have no use for it again this year.  That fact has not changed.”

The announcement this morning means that the pesky crop prices have remained unchanged ever since commodities markets began.

Albert Skraeling, known to be one of the biggest crop producers in the county, lamented, “I don’t see any change on the horizon; there seems to be no increase in demand in sight.”

Mike Rapp, another local producer added,” This is a real bummer.  That’s the one crop I can really grow.  The other ones are goats-head stickers and gophers and those prices are even worse.  I have to pay to get rid of them.”

Hope may be on the horizon from the group known as G.U.N.K. (or Guys Understanding Noteworthy Krud), who has their headquarters at The Junction Café.  They have been researching for years to discover and promote commercial uses for gophers.  With this recent crisis in morning glory prices, they have decided to work to develop commercial uses for morning glory, too.

They plan to publish the results of their work as soon as they can come up with a few ideas.


Pray for wind!

pray for wind

Mayor to hold prayer vigil for wind farm, By Sue Problemo

Lord Mayor Bernheisel has announced that the town will hold a prayer vigil Friday night in behalf of the wind farm a few miles out of town.  Normally, such things wouldn’t be necessary, because everyone pretty much always complains about how windy it is around here, but after nearly two months of little or no wind, extreme measures may be warranted.

Citing the fact that a number of jobs are in jeopardy, Lord Mayor announced the vigil during city council meeting Tuesday night, explaining, “There are at least three jobs that are being threatened.  If we don’t start getting some wind, the utility could scrap its plans to build more windmills, which could double or triple the county’s unemployment rate.”

Council member, Jack Daniels, also explained, “if it was a problem of rain, we could try cloud seeding or encouraging some hay farmer to wash his pickup truck.  But nobody around here knows how to make the wind blow.”

Keynote speaker at the vigil will be Wallace Crabtree, who many of you remember as the guy who washed his pickup, causing that big rain storm a few weeks ago.


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